General Quotes & Movie Lines

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These are famous smart or surprisingly dumb but meaningful quotes by geniuses, and memorable movie lines by famous actors and actresses, and anonymous wise thoughts.  Please contribute by sending your favorite and best quotes to DBerro@aol.com. 

• "Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk?" - Anonymous

• "... People would like to think that there's somebody up there who knows what he's doing. since we don't participate, we don't control and we don't even think about questions of vital importance. we hope somebody is paying attention who has some competence. let's hope the ship has a captain, in other words, since we're not taking part in what's going on... it is an important feature of the ideological system to impose on people the feeling that they really are incompetent to deal with these complex and important issues: they'd better leave it to the captain. one device is to develop a star system, an array of figures who are media creations or creations of the academic propaganda establishment, who's deep insights we are supposed to admire and to whom we must happily and confidently assign the right to control our lives and to control international affairs..." - Noam Chomsky

• "1 + 2 = 3. Therefore 4 + 5 = 6."

• "1: Are you trying to make a fool of me? 2: No. Natures already done that. I'm just giving you an audience."

• "1: What're we going to do tonight, Brain?" 2: The same thing we do every night, Pinky -try to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

• "1: You sleeping? 2: No, just dead."

• "1: You've only got one arm why do you have three pistols? 2: I don't want to get killed for lack of shooting back."

• "1:We want to help you. 2:But what if I LIKE being a mindless psychopath?"

• "1:You just shot an unarmed man! 2:Well he should have armed himself."

• "186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW."

• "2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."

• "29A, the hexadecimal of the Beast."

• "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981

• "A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce." - Don Quinn {Men and Women}

• "A burp is not an answer." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room." - Ellen

• "A colleague once told me that the world was full of bad security systems designed by people who read Applied Cryptography" - Bruce Schneier (author of Applied Cryptography).

• "A computer program is a message from a man to a machine. The rigidly marshaled syntax and the scrupulous definitions all exist to make intention clear to the dumb engine." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good." - Anonymous

• "A cult is any religion without political power."

• "A cynic smells flowers and looks for a casket."

• "A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view." - Anonymous

• "A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts."

• "A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog."

• "A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well." - Anonymous

• "A first principal for success is the constant and frequent use of violence."

• "A friend is someone who knows all about you and and still likes you." - Elbert Hubbard

• "A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "A friend with weed is a friend indeed."

• "A good soldier should kill something every day."

• "A good workman is known by his tools." - Proverb

• "A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted." - Helen Rowland

• "A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one."

• "A man is in love when something in his head, something in his and chest and something in his pants react to a certain woman." - Brian Hwang

• "A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy." - Unknown {Men and Women}

• "A nation . . . is just a society for hating foreigners."

• "A positive attitude will not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright

• "A problem worthy of attack proves it's worth by fighting back." - Piet Hein

• "A prudent question is one-half wisdom." - Francis Bacon

• "A radioactive cat has 18 half-lives."

• "A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way."

• "A scientist builds in order to learn; an engineer learns in order to build." - Fred Brooks

• "A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea." - Dutch Proverb

• "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."

• "A small mind is easily filled with faith."

• "A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all." - Anonymous

• "A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence." -David Hume

• "A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire (1694-1778)

• "A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes." - Joseph Addison

• "Absence extinguishes small passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out a candle, and fans a bonfire." - La Rochefoucauld

• "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." - Thomas Haynes Bayly

• "Abstinence is the worst form of perversion." - Guy de Maupassant, 1850 - 1893

• "Add little to little and there will be a big pile." - Ovid

• "Adrenaline. A legal drug."

• "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" - Ronnie Shakes

• "Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment." - Anonymous

• "Alcohol, cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson

• "All democracies turn into dictatorships — but not by coup. The people give their democracy to a dictator, whether it's Julius Caesar or Napoleon or Adolf Hitler. Ultimately, the general population goes along with the idea ..." - George Lucas

• "All mankind loves a lover." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "All models are wrong; some models are useful." - George Box

• "All our knowledge is symbolic." - Goethe, Table Talk

• "All the objects of human reason or inquiry may naturally be divided into two kinds, to wit, 'Relations of Ideas' and 'Matters of Fact.'" - David Hume, An Inquity Concerning Human Understanding

• "All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones." - La Rochefoucauld {Success and Failure}

• "All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."

• "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."

• "All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."

• "Aluminum foil makes a nice hat. And it blocks the government's mind-control rays." - CheezHankrn

• "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

• "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."

• "American components....Russian components.... All made in Taiwan." - Lev Andropov, Armageddon

• "An armed society is a polite society."

• "An elite group of less than a billion people now take more than 80 per cent of the world's wealth." - John Pilger

• "An expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible qualities - a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity." - Howard W. Eves

• "And GOD said 'Don't make me come down there!'" - Anonymous

• "Anger is an energy."

• "Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well."

• "Any rational decision may be viewed as a conclusion reached from certain premises... The behavior of a rational person can be controlled, therefore, if the value and factual premises upon which he bases his decisions are specified for him." - Simon, Decision-Making and Administrative Organization, 1944

• "Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic."

• "Any time you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog."

• "Anybody not wearing a two-million sun block is gonna have a pretty bad day." - Linda Hamilton, Terminator 2

• "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams

• "Anything worth doing, is worth over-doing." - Anonymous

• "Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place." - Johnny Carson

• "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. Every wife had seven sacks, every sack had seven cats, every cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks, and wives, how many were going to St. Ives?" - Anonymous (repeated by 'Simon' in Die Hard With a Vengeance)

• "As long as I have you there is just one other thing I'll always need -- tremendous self control." - Ashleigh Brilliant

• "As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent." - Socrates

• "Assume anyone you meet is a drooling moron until proven otherwise." - CheezHankrn

• "Assume you're an IDIOT, then you'll always impress yourself." -Vildman-ism

• "Bad news sells."

• "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy." - Benjamin Franklin

• "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes." - Jack Handey

• "Before you find your handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs." - Unknown

• "Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two." - Anonymous

• "Being a manipulative scum is fun. and everyone is, they just don't admit it." - CheezHankrn

• "Being brave is good. Being smart is better, and usually a lot less painful."

• "Being captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one." - Professor, Futurama

• "Better crippled in body than corrupt in mind."

• "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde

• "Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks." - Anonymous

• "Blessed is the mind too small for doubt."

• "Born into this world: I never asked for this."

• "Boys and Girls come out to play on the busy motorway."

• "Brave people may not live for long, but cautious don't live at all." - Royal Body-guard, The Princess Diaries

• "Bring me a sane man and I shall cure him." - Carl Jung

• "Burning desire is the eternal flame." - Doug Horton

• "Burning in water, Drowning in flames."

• "But what ... is it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

• "By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends." - Anonymous

• "C combines the power of assembler with the portability of assembler." -Anonymous

• "C++ has not lost touch with C's primary virtues." - Bjarne Stroustrup

• "Chewing on glass and walking on splinters."

• "Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children." - Anonymous

• "Civilisation is only a pretense. In crisis we have become mere apes again, forgetting the rational biped of our pretensions and instead becoming the hairy primate at the mouth of the cave, screeching at the enemy wishing it would go away, fingering the heavy stone we will use the moment it comes close enough" - Orson Scott Card, Xenocide

• "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

• "Coffee is not for kids." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Come forth ye wicked, know the curse of pain."

• "Computer science is as much about computers as astronomy is about telescopes." - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra: 1930-2002

• "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

• "Conform and be dull." - James Frank Dobie

• "Confusion is a fundamental state of mind."

• "Connect the goddamn dots!"

• "Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking."

• "Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking." - H. L. Mencken

• "Contact with alien races always renews one faith in humanity."

• "Contention is better than loneliness." - Unknown

• "Crime pays when pigs die." - Some punk band

• "Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will."

• "Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will." - James Stephens

• "Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth."

• "Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes."

• "Democracy is the worst system in the world, except for all the others..." - Anonymous

• "Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?" - Anonymous

• "Didn't we meet in Monte Carlo the night you blew your brains out? Oh, how we laughed. Ha ha ha."

• "Die screaming with sharp things in your head."

• "Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." -Will Rogers

• "DISCLAIMER: My opinions are my own and no one elses (but I can recommend 'em!)"

• "Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda, StarWars

• "Do unto others as they would do to you... And do it first."

• "Do unto others as they would do to you... And do it first." - CP2020

• "Do unto others... And then loot the bodies." - CP2020

• "Do you believe in first love - or should I pass by again?" - anonymous

• "Do you ever wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?" - Anonymous

• "Dogs have owners. Cats have staff." - Anonymous

• "Don't need god, Don't need love, just need a gutful o' Burboun and a headful o' sleep."

• "Don't shoot 'til you see the backs of their heads!"

• "Don't think of it as being vastly outnumbered. Think of it as having a very wide shot selection."

• "Don't want enough left of me to scrape up."

• "Dying is the science of eternal relaxation." - rv

• "Eat any good books lately?"

• "Eliminate all rational thought."

• "Engineering is the application of scientific principles toward practical ends. If the engineering isn't practical, it's bad engineering." - Steve McConnell, After The Gold Rush

• "Engineers produce plans. Builders implement the plans to produce a product." - Terri Maginnis

• "Every bullet has its billet." - William III of England, Prince Of Orange

• "Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life." - Anonymous

• "Every time you clap your hands you kill thousands of spores that will someday form a nutritious fungus. Just show your approval with a mole friendly thumbs up." - Free Waterfall Sr. Founder of Penguins Unlimited, Futurama

• "Everybody is equal... just don't mention it."

• "Everybody's strange; I'm normal." - rv

• "Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other." - Poor Richard's Almanac

• "Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Anonymous

• "Experience is the name everyone gives his mistakes."

• "Express the psychedelic with the cybernetic. Turn on, tune in and boot up." - Dr Timothy Leary

• "Eye for eye and the world will go blind." - Ghandi

• "Faith is believing what you know ain't so." -Mark Twain

• "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."

• "Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony" - Laurence Fishburne, Matrix

• "Fear is your greatest weapon and your worst enemy."

• "Feeling stupid? Then put a gun to your head and blow away those cobwebs."

• "Five days is not too long to wait for a gun." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself." - Helen Rowland {Men and Women}

• "Fly through the blackness of the storm."

• "For brevity is very good, Where we are, or are not understood." - Samuel Butler, Hudibras

• "For every battle honour a thousand heroes die alone, unsung and unremembered."

• "For how is it possible, says that acute man, that when a concept is given me, I can go beyond it and connect with it another which is not contained in it, in such a manner as if that latter necessarily belonged to the former?" - Immanuel Kant, Prolegomena to a Future Metaphysics

• "For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation." - Rainer Maria Rilke

• "Friendly fire isn't."

• "Friendly like a hand grenade."

• "Friends may come, and Friends may go, but Enemies accumulate."

• "Funny noises are not funny." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Geographically, Australia is a long way from anywhere. To Americans, it conjures up images of fuzzy marsupials, not computer hackers." - Suelette Dreyfus, Underground

• "Get lost. If I want any shit I'll just squeeze your head." - Gumshoe

• "Get over here! I'm gonna eat ya! I'm bigger than you. I'm higher on the food chain. Get in my belly!" - Mike Myers as Fat Bastard

• "Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."

• "Gil: He's not gonna talk. We're gonna have to kill him. Mike: Maybe we should take the gag off, Gil."

• "Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker." - Anonymous

• "God forgives - the Brotherhood doesn't." - Lance Henriksen, Stone Cold

• "God made relatives; Thanks God we can choose our friends." - Anonymous

• "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." - Anonymous

• "Goldfish don't bounce." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Good business man never reveals his secrets especially if he himself is not very sure about them." - Rajeev Kumar Gupta

• "Good cooking takes time. If you are made to wait, it is to serve you better, and to please you." - Menu Of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans

• "Good intentions are no substitute for a running chainsaw."

• "Good way to avoid frostbite folks, is to put your hands between your buttocks, that's natures pocket." - Free Waterfall Sr. Founder of Penguins Unlimited, Futurama

• "Grab your pick, grab your shovel and head on down to the Amish rumble."

• "Grab your pick, grab your shovel and head on down to the Amish rumble." - Strapping Young Lad

• "Half the battle is just showing up." - Anonymous

• "Hands up who wants to die!"

• "Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!" - Anonymous

• "Happiness is causing misery."

• "Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary {Success and Failure}

• "Hate is so much easier to feel than love."

• "Hatred is toxic waste in the river of life." - Unknown

• "Hatred: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary {Success and Failure}

• "He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils for time is the greatest innovator." - Francis Bacon

• "He uses love for sex, she uses sex for love." - Shelter

• "He uses words, as weapons, to hit people over the head with."

• "He who laughs last, thinks slowest." - Anonymous

• "He who paints toilet is a shithouse painter."

• "He who stands on toilet is high on pot."

• "He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder."

• "Health is merely the slowest possible speed at which you can die."

• "Hearts are often broken when words are unspoken." - Unknown

• "Hell is calling. It cannot be denied."

• "He'll make you wish that you didn't exist."

• "He'll sit here and he'll say, 'Do this! Do that!' And nothing will happen." - Harry S. Truman, On Presidential Power

• "Hello, I'm from the government, and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan, 10 scariest words in the English language

• "Helpmate: A wife, or bitter half." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary

• "Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her." - Unknown

• "He's a walking example of death after life."

• "He's an unsociable bastard right now... the acid hasn't kicked in." - Prodigy

• "He's got a face even a mother could hate."

• "He's so sold on himself he probably thinks someone should bottle his piss and sell it as perfume."

• "Hey, space is a tough place where wimps eat flaming plasma death."

• "Hmm, officer, we just found Bob's bullet-riddled body buried in the end zone at Giants Stadium. I think I detect a crime here." - Bruce Schneier, Secrets & Lies

• "Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars."

• "Honestly, the first time that Mr. Gates ever hears my name will not be because I have done something right. I am sure that it would be quite the opposite." - Mike Truitt, Microsoft Corporation

• "Honk if you love peace and quiet." - Anonymous

• "Hope is a good breakfast, but it's a bad supper." - Francis Bacon

• "Hope is the beginning of unhappiness."

• "How can I know you? I don't even know myself."

• "How does a project get to be a year late? ... One day at a time." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "Humans rely on the altruism of gravity." - Alex Nikiforov

• "Humour lies in other peoples misfortunes."

• "I always say that, next to a battle lost, the greatest misery is a battle gained."

• "I am feeling a bit better each day and hope that the temporal sequence is not a Cauchy sequence with a negative limit! :)" - Rohid Parikh

• "I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

• "I am not attacking anything. I just poke at things and watch them wobble." - Alex Beylin, commenting on Fetid Monkey's quote

• "I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I am not deliciously saucy." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "i am not doing nothing" - ruyiy

• "I am not sincere, even when I say I am not."

• "I am the law!" - Silvestor Stalone, Judge Dredd

• "I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty."

• "I bring salvation, punishment and pain."

• "I can call spirits from the vasty deep.; Why so can I, or so can any man; but will they come when you do call them?" - Shakespeare, King Henry IV, Part I

• "I can picture a world without war, without conflict, and I can picture us attacking that world. Because they would never expect it."

• "I conquer evil, Let evil know my name."

• "I converted a Christian 'Scientist' to evolution by pointing you out as the missing link."

• "I converted a Christian 'Scientist' to evolution by pointing you out as the missing link."

• "I didn't cheat, I only copied the answer." - rv

• "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them."

• "I do not have diplomatic immunity." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I don't defend anything. I just poke at things and watch them wobble." - Fetid Monkey

• "I don't fear God- I fear His believers..." - Anonymous

• "I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem."

• "I don't like my job and I don't think I'll go anymore." - Peter Gibbons, Office Space

• "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say."

• "I don't panic because I just don't care."

• "I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead."

• "I don't want the world I just want your part." -TMBG

• "I don't want the world. I just want your part."

• "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying." - Woody Allen

• "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." - Groucho Marx

• "I forgive my enemies, but I never forget their names."

• "I forgive my enemies, but I never forget their names."

• "I hate the fat but I love the food." - rv

• "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, and violence... but they've always worked for me."

• "I have a dog. His name's Elvis. And when I give him a joint he speaks to me."

• "I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone

• "I have a whole cubicle to myself!" - particle

• "I have come to the conclusion that my subjective account of my own motivation is largely mythical on almost all occasions. I don't know why I do things." - J.B.S. Haldane

• "I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter." - Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

• "I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room."

• "I have never seen an experienced programmer who routinely made detailed flow charts before beginning to write programs." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "I have no fear for my sanity, My fear is what will happen to those around me when my sanity snaps."

• "I have no fear of man or beast."

• "I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense."

• "I have strong opinions of my own but I don't always agree with them." - George W. Bush

• "I have to love humankind To kill them all would take too fucking long." - Pantera

• "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

• "I hope I die in a freakish way, by an act of sheer stupidity."

• "I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." - Mother Theresa

• "I know no way of judging the future but by the past." - Patrick Henry

• "I know not what weapons world war 3 will be fought with, but world war 4 will be fought with sticks and stones" - Albert Einstein

• "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"

• "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!" - Tom Lehrer

• "I left them to wallow in their own ineptitude."

• "I left them to wallow in their own ineptitude." - My Aunt Judy Gibbs

• "I let my mind wander and it didn't come back!"

• "I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid." - Anonymous

• "I may contradict myself, but at least I don't contradict myself." - Anonymous

• "I might not know where I'm going but damned if I'm going to get there late."

• "I nearly drowned while channel surfing."

• "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

• "I never thought it would be easy but no-one said it would be THIS hard."

• "I once played a sheriff who thought he could do the job without a gun. I was dead in twenty-seven minutes of a thirty minute show."

• "I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't and the inability to tell the difference."

• "I predict that exact reproduction through cloning will not become popular. Too many people already find it difficult to live with themselves."

• "I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the indifference of wisdom."

• "I really believe the things I say to you, It's just that none of them are true."

• "I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public." - Anonymous

• "I stand while others fall."

• "I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it." - Anonymous

• "I think I'll watch the dot for a few more hours."

• "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

• "I think we should call the creation of the universe 'The HORRENDOUS SPACE KABLOOIE!'"

• "I understand the fury in your words, but not the words." - William Shakespeare, Othello

• "I use not only all the brains I have, but all I can borrow."

• "I used to think he was sensitive but then I found he was just spineless."

• "I used to think he was sensitive but then I found he was just spineless." - Cybill

• "I usually try to keep my sadness pinned up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness." - Turanga Leela, Futurama

• "I want to embalm your body in sulphuric acid."

• "I want to die. Well, no I don't, not really, I want everyone ELSE to die."

• "I want to rock and roll all night, and party every day!" - KISS (Rock Band)

• "I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all." - Malachi Constant (Sirens of Titan, by Kurt Vonnegut)

• "I was never less alone than when by myself." - Edward Gibbon

• "I was soooo wasted. I had such dry mouth I was spitting chalk."

• "I was wrong to prove that you were right." - rv

• "I will not aim for the head." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not barf unless I'm sick" - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not bring sheep to class." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not bury the new kid." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not call the principal "spud head"." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not carve gods." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not celebrate meaningless milestones." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not charge admission to the bathroom." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not conduct my own fire drills." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not eat things for money." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not fake seizures." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not go near the kindergarten turtle." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not prescribe medication." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not rest until his blood is spilled, All his bones will be broken and his body scattered across the field."

• "I will not sell miracle cures." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not skateboard in the halls." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not snap bras." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not spank others." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not teach others to fly." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not waste chalk." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I will return the seeing-eye dog." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "I wish someone would tell me what 'Ditty wah ditty' means." - Arthur Blake

• "I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few." - Anonymous

• "I won't tell you what I'm having for lunch but I sure feel sorry for my tapeworm."

• "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member."

• "I find your "use" of "quotation marks" somewhat "confusing." Do you "mean" them as "irony" or as "emphasis?" Just "asking."' - Twirlip of the Mists (/.)

• "It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel

• "I'd like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he's working on now." - Unknown {Vice and Virtue}

• "I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate."

• "I'd rather have a bottle infronta me than a frontal lobotomy."

• "I'd say I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid He might hear me." - Anonymous

• "I'd see a shrink but they're too expensive So I'll just talk to myself."

• "If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself." - Dorothy Law Nolte

• "If at first you don't succeed, try management." - Anonymous

• "If brute force doesn't work, you're not using enough brute force."

• "If god is bad, then bad is good." - rv

• "If god is everything, and everything includes bad, then god is bad." - particle

• "If God lived on earth, people would knock out all his windows."

• "If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."

• "If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect."

• "If I was gonna buy you flowers, where would I send ... NO, if I was gonna let you Suck My Tounge, would you be greatful?" - Nicolas Cage, Face Off

• "If ignorance is bliss just try to wipe the smile from my face."

• "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel

• "If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?" - Lily Tomlin

• "If Mary had've had an abortion would we now worship a coathanger instead of a cross?"

• "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." - J.R.R. Tolkien

• "If only bad habits could be broken as easily as hearts!" - Christopher Spranger: The Effort to Fall {Vice and Virtue}

• "If rubbing frozen dirt in your crouch is wrong, then I don't want to be right." - Free Waterfall Sr. Founder of Penguins Unlimited, Futurama

• "If the gods are watching, the very least we can do is be entertaining."

• "If there is anything better than being loved, it's loving." - Unknown

• "If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"

• "If we cannot define good without defining bad, then being bad is good." - particle

• "If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater." - Unknown

• "If we knew what we were doing we wouldn't be research." - Illuminati card

• "If women ruled the world, would missiles be shaped differently???" - Some Unknown Comedian

• "If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry." - Anton Chekhov

• "If you burp and fart at the same time could it create a vacuum in your middle and make you implode?"

• "If you cannot convince them, confuse them."

• "If you can't make someone happy, make them chocolate fudge cake."

• "If you die from using my equipment you get a full refund."

• "If you do not surrender, I shall be forced to shoot you through the head with a rather large bullet."

• "If you do not surrender, I shall be forced to shoot you through the head with a rather large bullet." - Peter O'Toole, "Club Paradise"

• "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me."

• "If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would try to pass them." - Anonymous

• "If you love someone, tell them. They won't be the only one glad that you did." - Jamie C. Scott

• "If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn't come back, kill it!" - Doug Horton {Altruism and Cynicism}

• "If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before." - Anonymous

• "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man."

• "If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire." - George E. Woodberry

• "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

• "If you think there are no new frontiers, watch a boy ring the front doorbell on his first date." - Olin Miller

• "If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right."

• "If you wait until something is broken to fix it... there may not be anything left to fix." - John Martin (Taco Bell Inc. Manager), September 1988

• "If you wanna touch the sky you gotta be prepared to die." - Butthole Surfers

• "If you're not a rebel by the time you're 20 you have no Heart. If you're not establishment by the time you're 30 you have no Brain." - Swimming with Sharks

• "If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out." - Anonymous

• "Ignorance is bliss."

• "I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter." - Anonymous

• "I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

• "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way."

• "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get credit for things other people actually do." - Linus Torvalds

• "I'm completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly." - HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke

• "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." - Dave Edison

• "I'm drinking soup! Would you mind not trying to make me work!"

• "I'm face down in the gutter, but I'm in a pool of piss so at least I can see the reflections of the stars."

• "I'm going to donate all the snot I sneeze to hospitals for mucus transfusions."

• "I'm late because you're early." - rv

• "I'm not afraid of life. I just don't know where it is anymore."

• "I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain." - Carol Leifer

• "I'm not so sure the role of the United States is to go around the world and say this is the way it's got to be. ... And maybe it's just our difference in government, the way we view government, I mean, I want to empower people, I don't - you know, I want to help people help themselves, not have government tell people what to do. I just don't think it's the role of the United States to talk into a country and say, We do it this way, so should you. ... I think the United States must be humble and must be proud and confident of our values, but humble in how we treat nations that are figuring out how to chart their own course." - George W. Bush, during the second presidential debate, October 11th, 2000

• "I'm really easy to get along with once you see it my way." - Anonymous

• "I'm seriously considering eating your wife" - Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter in Hannibal

• "I'm sorry Dave; I can't let you do that." - HAL 9000 in 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke

• "I'm the one your Bible warned you about."

• "I'm too fat to go chasing you around, I'll just blast some holes in you."

• "In a race against time, cheating is the only solution." - particle

• "In a symbol there is concealment and yet revelation: here therefore, by Silence and by Speech acting together, comes a double significance." - Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)

• "In life, only the insane have the strength to survive; Only those who survive truly judge what is sane."

• "In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better." - Ellen DeGeneres

• "In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb [...] The third big war will begin when the big city is burning." - Nostradamus 1654 (Fake Nostradamus Quote)

• "In the end, we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught." - Baba Dioum

• "In the war between good and evil, evil has more fun!"

• "In times of horror and torment prayer is a great thing Nobody answers But at least it stops you from thinking."

• "In times of horror and torment prayer is a great thing Nobody answers But at least it stops you from thinking." - George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

• "Incompatibility: In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination." - Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary

• "INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY." - Anonymous

• "Inspiration grows from the barrel of a gun."

• "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" - Mae West

• "It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bothers me - it's the parts that I do understand." -Mark Twain

• "It doesn't matter, I'll probably get hit by a car anyway."

• "It is a capital mistake to theorize in advance of the facts..." - Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherklock Homes

• "It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo."

• "It is bad luck to be superstitious."

• "It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all." - William Makepeace Thackeray

• "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not."

• "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not." - Andre Gide

• "It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

• "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." - William Blake

• "It is impossible to love and be wise." - Francis Bacon

• "It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious." - anonymous

• "It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." - Woody Allen

• "It is my belief that travel narrows the mind wonderfully."

• "It is not necessary for the public to know whether I am joking or whether I am serious, just as it is not necessary for me to know it myself." - Salvador Dali

• "It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them." - Pierre Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais, French author-dramatist

• "It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." - Moliere

• "It is odd, is it not, that a person's worth to society is measured by wealth, when instead wealth should be measured by worth to society." - Pierce Thorne

• "It looks obvious until you try it." - IEEE Software

• "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship god but to create him." - Arthur C. Clarke

• "It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats." - Anonymous

• "It's a fine line between clever and stupid." - Sean M. Dugan

• "It's a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."

• "Its a Satanic, drug thing... You wouldn't understand."

• "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." - Steven Wright

• "It's better the kill the animal before you eat it, Otherwise it tends to scream when you bite into it."

• "'Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Tennyson

• "It's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln

• "It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane." - Anne

• "It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. " - JH

• "It's enlightening to see what a narrow trickle the mainstream really is."

• "It's God's responsibility to forgive Bin Laden... It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting!" - United States Armed Forces

• "Its lonely here, there's no one left to torture."

• "It's not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I accept."

• "It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line." - Ashleigh Brilliant

• "Its only funny till someone gets hurt Then its absolutely hilarious."

• "I've become just what I wanted to be all along, a psychopathic poet, the devils bastard son."

• "I've been trying for some time to develop a life style that doesn't require my presence."

• "I've gone into hundreds of fortune-tellers' parlors, and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her."

• "I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshhold of pain."

• "I've never met a healthy person who worried much about his health or a good person who worried much about his soul."

• "I've seen the future and I've left it all behind."

• "Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an ass." - Anonymous

• "Jumping up and down on Satan's little trampoline."

• "Just because someone agrees with you doesn't make you right. It just means there's some one else out there as stupid as you." - Nathan Reed

• "Just because you are paranoid, does not mean that they are not out to get you."

• "Justice is incidental to law and order." - J. Edgar Hoover

• "Kill them all. Let God sort it out."

• "Killing animals for science is wrong, I think we should do it for fun."

• "Kindness is loving people more than they deserve." - Joseph Joubert {Vice and Virtue}

• "Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population." - Anonymous

• "Laugh when others fear Hate when others laugh."

• "Less than fifteen per cent of the people do any original thinking on any subject.... The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think." - Luther Burbank, American horticulturist (1849-1926)

• "Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these." - Ovid (43 B.C. - A.D. 18)

• "Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain.

• "Let's get us some lunch, and let's get us some puking vampires." - Robert Shurtz, Vampire Trailer Park

• "Lets us celebrate the pain and havoc we have wrought."

• "Life is a prison; death shall be my release."

• "Life is cheap when the bounty is high."

• "Life is hilariously cruel." - Bender, Futurama

• "Life is like a grapefruit, orange, squishy and some people have half a one for breakfast" - DNA (THHGTTG)

• "Life is like Quake, only it's harder to find a rocket launcher when you really need one..."

• "Life is like trying to perform a violin concert while still learning to play."

• "Life is nothing more than just a way of passing the time."

• "Life is Sexually Transmitted." - BigDaddyPig

• "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." - Anonymous

• "Like the ski resort full of girls hunting for husbands and husbands hunting for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem." - Alan Lindsay Mackay, Lecture, Birckbeck College, 1964

• "Living in a 365 day 24 hour wartime reality."

• "Logic is a system whereby one may go wrong with confidence." - Charles Kettering

• "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off."

• "Love and a cough cannot be hidden." - George Herbert

• "Love cures people; both the ones who give it, and the ones who receive it." - Karl Menninger

• "Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Franklin P. Jones

• "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell." - Unknown

• "Love is a given, hatred is acquired." - Doug Horton

• "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

• "Love is like a fruit. It may look good, but you shouldn't bite in it until it's ripe." - Nick Hertl

• "Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard

• "Love is like the measles, all the worse when it comes late." - Douglas Jerrold

• "Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop." - Anonymous

• "Love is seeing without eyes, hearing without ears; hatred is nothing." - Doug Horton

• "Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex brings up some pretty good questions." - Woody Allen

• "Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." - Unknown

• "Love the neighbor. But don't get caught." - Anonymous

• "Love will make you forget time, and time will make you forget love." - Unknown

• "Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence." - Chinese proverb

• "Love your neighbors, but don't pull down the fence." - Unknown (Chinese proverb)

• "Love: A temporary insanity cureable either by marriage or by removal of the influences under which he incurred the disorder. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than the patient." - The Devil's Dictionary

• "Love: The delusion that one woman differs from another." - Henry Louis Mencken

• "Luck is always on the side of big battalions."

• "Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it." - Unknown

• "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West

• "Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out." - Michel de Montaigne

• "Marriage is not a word -- it is a sentence." - Unknown

• "Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets." - Ogden Nash

• "Marriage is the death of hope." - Woody Allen

• "Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." - Voltaire

• "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." - Oscar Wilde

• "Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated." - R. Drabek {Science and Religion}

• "Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

• "Maybe this world is another planet's hell." - Aldous Huxley

• "Memories of tomorrow."

• "Microsoft made a big deal about Windows NT getting a C2 security rating. They were much less forthcoming with the fact that this rating only applied if the computer was not attached to a network and had no network card, and had its floppy drive epoxied shut, and was running on a Compaq 386. Solaris's C2 rating was just as silly." - Bruce Schneier, Secrets & Lies

• "Money cannot buy love, but it surely can influence it." - rv

• "Money is good, love is wealth." - Doug Horton

• "Money is not everything. There's Master card & Visa." - Anonymous

• "Most management is lazy & incompentent." - particle

• "Most people have no ambition. Me, I'm going to wait right here so opportunity knows right where to find me."

• "Mud is not one of the 4 food groups." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

• "My Balogney has a first name it's H-O-M-E-R. My balogney has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R." - DanFungus

• "My dumb mouth to your deaf ear."

• "My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "My husband gave me a permanent wave, and now he's gone." - Dawn Messer

• "My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside." - Roseanne

• "My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot." - Ashleigh Brilliant

• "My mind is empty but my bowels are full."

• "My name is not Dr. Death." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties." - Douglas Jerrold

• "My present aim and ambition is to kill every single human being on the face of this planet."

• "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind." - Albert Einstein

• "My strength is hatred, anger and pain."

• "Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est (Knowledge is power)" - Francis Bacon

• "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."

• "Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly!" - Anonymous

• "Never fire a weapon if you can't understand the instructions."

• "Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today." - Anonymous

• "Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether." - Anonymous

• "Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups." - Anonymous

• "No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth." - Robert Southey

• "No man is wise enough or good enough to be trusted with unlimited power."

• "No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys." - Doug Horton

• "No one is interested in my underpants." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Nobody enjoys shooting penguins, but if you have to shoot penguins, you might as well enjoy it." - Free Waterfall Sr. Founder of Penguins Unlimited, Futurama

• "None love the bearer of bad news." - Sophocles

• "Not only does God play dice, but...he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen." - Stephen Hawking

• "Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool." - Anonymous

• "Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done."

• "Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know." - Michel de Montaigne

• "Nothing lasts forever...so why not destroy it now?"

• "Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples' habits." - Mark Twain

• "Nuke 'em till they glow."

• "Nuke me slowly."

• "O give me commentators plain, Who with no deep researches vex the brain." - Crabbe

• "Often the best way to win is to forget to keep score."

• "Old age and treachery will overcome youth and enthusiasm every single time."

• "Old enough to know, but I'm too young to care."

• "Old enough to know, but I'm too young to care."

• "Once I wept for I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet, so I took his shoes. I mean, it wasn't as if he was going to need them." - Anonymous

• "One does not make friends, one recognizes them." - Unknown

• "One of my biggest problems these days is it is very hard to pretend I'm enthusiastic about work when I know most work is pointless, run by idiots and in 2 months I'll only be there for the money." - CheezHankrn

• "One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works--you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis." - Douglas Adams Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

• "One should love animals. They are so tasty." - Anonymous

• "One way to keep people [on a mailing list] is give them gifts, another is to kick them when they try to get away." -Alex Beylin

• "One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing." - Frank Sheed

• "Only after leaping off a cliff, do you realize you can't fly." - rv

• "Only two things are infinite: The universe and Human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe" - Albert Einstein

• "Opening your mouth does create a space that your foot can fill all too easily."

• "Order and simplification are the first steps toward the mastery of a subject." - Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

• "Organ transplants are best left to professionals." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Our reason for existing is unclear at this moment, please try again at a a later time. - The Bible, updated version"

• "Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

• "Pain and death are illusions of a weak mind."

• "Pain is an illusion of the body; fear an illusion of the mind."

• "Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life." - Eric Hoffer

• "Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity." - IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation

• "Patience is a virtue I haven't the time for."

• "Patience is a virtue I haven't the time for."

• "Peace is not in my vocabulary."

• "Peace through tyranny."

• "People are not meant to sit in cubicles all day." - Peter Gibbons, Office Space

• "People don't understand computers. Computers are magical boxes that do things. People believe what computers tell them." - Bruce Schneier, Secrets & Lies

• "People who are sensible about love are incapable of it." - Douglas Yates

• "People who feel well are sick people neglecting themselves." - Jules Romains

• "People who never get carried away should be." - Malcolm S. Forbes, American publisher.

• "Perfection (in design) is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

• "Perhaps we could write code to optimize code, then run that code through the code optimizer?" - Anonymous Coward (/.)

• "Physics and Law enforcement - if it weren't for those two, I'd be unstoppable."

• "Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it." - Richard Feynman

• "Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs." - P.J. O'Rourke

• "Practice is the best of all instructors." - Publilius

• "Probably all laws are useless; for good men do not want laws at all, and bad men are made no better by them." - Demonax (c 150 A.D.)

• "Programming is the exact science of driving a person insane. (gotta love it)"

• "Proof is an idol before which the mathematician tortures himself." - Sir Arthur Eddington

• "Punch drunk but Im still sober."

• "Quick! Take their weapons while they're wet and stupid." - James Belushi, Sahara

• "Rainbows apologize for angry skies." - Sylvia A. Viorol

• "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."

• "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius

• "Reality is an illusion caused by an absence of beer."

• "Reality is very powerful illusion and if we are not careful we may find ourselves drawn in by it."

• "Reality, no matter how utopian, seems to be something people need to frequently take a holiday from."

• "Reality, no matter how utopian, seems to be something people need to frequently take a holiday from." - Aldous Huxley

• "Reasoning is an art and not a science." - Wos Et Al., Automated Reasoning, 1984

• "Reject hatred without hating." - Mary Baker Eddy: Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures

• "Remember that computers are all mad" - CheezHankrn

• "Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends." - Cindy Lew

• "Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time." - Sir J. Lubbock

• "Riding hard, breaking bone, with steel and stone."

• "Rocks taste like shit but they're easy to hunt."

• "Rocks taste like shit but they're easy to hunt." - The Gravys

• "Sanity is a fulltime job and I just got the sack."

• "Sanity is only for people who can't bounce a reality check."

• "Satan is the prove that God is good." - rv

• "Save water. Shower with your girlfriend." - Anonymous

• "See simplicity in the complicated." - Lao Tzu

• "Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the Farmer's Daughter."

• "Serendipity is looking in a haystack for a needle and discovering the Farmer's Daughter." - Julius H. Comroe.

• "Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." - Sophia Loren

• "Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it is one of the best." - Woody Allen: Love and Death

• "She's gonna be the next bounce on your king-size Posturepedic, isn't she?" - Wendy MacDonald, Legal Tender

• "She's the kind of woman you could fall madly in bed with." - Unknown

• "Should I listen to the voices in my head?"

• "Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser."

• "Since the dawn of time I've rode across the earth."

• "Sit your five-dollar ass down before I make change." - Wesley Snipes, New Jack City

• "Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface."

• "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" - Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer in 1976.

• "Some people are merely alive because it is against the law to kill them."

• "Some people confuse laziness with fear." - Spermbirds

• "Sometimes I need what only you can provide -- your absence." - Ashleigh Brilliant

• "Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door." - mr. h4x0r sig

• "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." - Pedro Guerrero, baseball player, on reporters

• "sorry i dont understand humor; unless it's my humor, then i almost always get it..." - Rally1

• "Space isn’t remote at all. It’s only an hour’s drive away if your car could go straight upwards."

• "Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Lets Party!' "

• "Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people." - Jay Leno

• "Stop sending money send'em all a bomb."

• "Stupid people shouldn't breed."

• "Succeed in spite of management." - Anonymous

• "Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives." - Anonymous

• "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get."

• "Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

• "Supervision is the key to all screw-ups." - particle

• "Systematically identity top designers as early as possible. The best are often not the most experienced." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "Talk not of wasted affection; affection never was wasted." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

• "Teacher is not a leper." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself." - Anonymous

• "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."

• "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal." - Albert Einstein

• "Tell the truth and run." - Yugoslav proverb

• "Tell your parent's to use contraceptives."

• "That bitch treated me like a used pair of panty hose at a swap meet." - Tanya Roberts, Legal Tender

• "That which doesn't kill me had better be able to run away damn fast." - a sig

• "That which doesn't kill me... had better be able to run away damn fast."

• "That? It's nothing. Yes. Nothing. If you think it's anything, you're a suspicious moron." - Professor, Futurama

• "That's the issue that I've been exploring: How did the Republic turn into the Empire? That's paralleled with: How did Anakin turn into Darth Vader? How does a good person go bad, and how does a democracy become a dictatorship? It isn't that the Empire conquered the Republic, it's that the Empire is the Republic." - George Lucas

• "The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong." - Anonymous

• "The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse." - Benjamin Franklin

• "The Analytical Engine has no pretensions whatever to originate anything. It can do whatever we know how to order it to perform." - Ada Byron, Countess of Lovelace

• "The author should gaze at Noah, and ... learn, as they did in the Ark, to croud a great deal matter into a very small compass." - Sydney Smith, Edinburgh Review

• "The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists."

• "The bad highlights the good." - rv

• "The beatings will continue until morale improves." - Anonymous

• "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts the moment you get up and doesn't stop untill you get into the office."

• "The C language is particularly rich with ways of writing a program that totally hide the original design intent." - Stanley Chow

• "The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "The Christmas Pageant does not stink." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "The Concorde was great. It travels at twice the speed of sound. Which is fun except you can't hear the movie until two hours after you land." - Howie Mandel

• "The darkness holds a power that cannot be found in the day."

• "The dumb is always righter than the smart because there's more of us!" - Ken Kesey, Sailor Song

• "The Earth is full of beautiful women, And those that arn't... have wonderful personalities." - Third Rock from the Sun.

• "The essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another's little lapses." - David Storey

• "The essence of war is violence, Moderation in war is imbecility."

• "The essential quality of a proof is to compel belief." - Fermat

• "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist." - Anonymous

• "The flush toilet is the basis of western civilization." - Alan Coult

• "The fundamental problem with program maintenance is that fixing a defect has a substantial chance of introducing another." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "The future has a way of arriving unannounced."

• "The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only more expensive." - John Sladek

• "The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage." - Unknown

• "The greatest man is but a ripple on the surface of existence."

• "The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of." - Blaise Pascal {Happiness and Misery}

• "The human race does not have a very good record of intelligent behavior." - Stephen Hawking, The Universe In A Nutshell

• "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." - Mother Teresa

• "The idea of a Being who interfere with the sequence of events in the world is absolutely impossible." -A. Einstein, 1931

• "The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all his customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who by peddling second-hand, second-rate technology, led them all into it in the first place." - Douglas Adams Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

• "The imagination loses vitality as it ceases to adhere to what is real." - Wallace Stevens

• "the internet? is that thing still around?" - homer simpson

• "The key is not to die for your country, but make the other bastard die for his!" - Gen. George Patton.

• "The main thing we learn from our mistakes is that we make a lot of them."

• "The map is not the territory; the name is not the thing named." - Alfred Korzybski

• "The mind being, as I have declared, furnished with a great number of the simple ideas conveyed in by the senses, as they are found in exterior things, or by reflection on its own operations, take notice, also, that a certain number of these simple ideas go constantly together... which, by inadvertency, we apt afterward to talk of and condier as one simple idea." - John Locke, Essay Concerning Human Understanding

• "The mind is a terrible thing to taste."

• "The mind is a terrible thing to waste--don't make me waste yours." - Jimmy Medina Taggert, Class of 1999

• "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

• "The more we are filled with thoughts of lust the less we find true romantic love." - Doug Horton

• "The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn." - Anonymous

• "The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother." - Unknown

• "The mountain screamed three times today. I guess it thought I'd like to play." - Monster Magnet

• "The next step is to configure the X server. That is covered in detail in an as-yet unwritten document :-(." - XFree86 4.1 Installation Guide

• "The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people."

• "The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown."

• "The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know." - Harry S. Truman

• "The only thing that makes me smile is ... Your pain. To say Im not enjoying this would be insane."

• "The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions."

• "The only way to make music that cannot be copied is to make music that cannot be heard. The only way to make movies that cannot be copied is to make movies that cannot be viewed." - Gene Kan before the Senate Judiciary Committee hearing titled "Music on the Internet: Is There an Upside to Downloading?"

• "The only way to rectify our reasonings is to make them as tangible as those of the mathematicians, so that we can find our error at a glance, and when there are disputes among persons we can simply say 'Let us calculate ... to see who is right.'" - Leigniz, The Art of Discovery

• "The opinions expressed here are mine and may not reflect reality."

• "The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is ignorance." - Brian Hwang

• "The Path of the righteous man is beset on all sides, by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed are those, who in the name of charity and justice, shepherd the weak, through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will STRIKE down upon thee with GREAT vengeance and FURIOUS anger, THOSE, who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And you will know, my name is the LORD, when I lay my vengeance upon thee! - Eziekel 25:17." - The Holy Bible (apparently), and/or Samuel L Jackson, Pulp Fiction

• "The practices that make up XP can be learned by anyone who has convinced someone else to pay them to program." - Kent Beck, Extreme Programming Explained

• "The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits but not when it misses." - Francis Bacon

• "The secret of self esteem to lower your expectations to the point were they are already met."

• "The sight of a laser dot can have a strong psychological impact on the target."

• "The software box said 'Requires Windows95 or better'. So I installed Linux."

• "The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife." - Unknown

• "The task of mathematics consists in the organization of a series of aids to the imagination in the process of reasoning." - A. N. Whitehead

• "The terrorists attacked our freedom, and now our government is finishing the job." - anon US citizen

• "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first." - Anonymous

• "The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat." - Lily Tomlin

• "The truth is just an excuse for a lack of imagination"

• "The truth is just an excuse for a lack of imagination." - Garak, ST-DS9

• "The value of an idea has nothing to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it. Indeed the probabilities are that the more insincere the man is, the more purely intellectual will the idea be, as in that case it will not be coloured by either his wants, his desires or his prejudices." - Oscar Wilde

• "The voices in my head say I should go see a shrink but I don't believe them."

• "The weak have one weapon: the errors of those who think they are strong."

• "The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise." - Anonymous

• "The world holds two classes of men--intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence." - Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri, Syrian Poet (973-1057)

• "The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough."

• "The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going." - David Starr Jordan

• "There are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Slashdot is NOTHING like Shakespeare..." - Anonymous

• "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

• "There are plenty of businesses like show business." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's." - Unknown

• "There is a certain freedom in being totally screwed. It means that nothing you do is going to make it any worse."

• "There is less in this than meets the eye."

• "There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love." - Unknown

• "There is no problem in this world so intractable or complicated that it cannot be solved by killing anyone even remotely connected to it."

• "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

• "There is no single development, in either technology or management technique, which by itself promises even one order-of-magnitude improvement within a decade in productivity, in reliability, in simplicity." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man-Month

• "There is no such thing as excessive violence."

• "There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy." - Swift

• "There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved." - George Sand

• "There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning." - Anonymous

• "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant

• "There's an entire flight simulator hidden in every copy of Microsoft Excel 97." - Bruce Schneier, Secrets & Lies

• "There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house." - Joe Ryan

• "These studies revealed large individual differences between high and low performers, often by an order of magnitude." - Sackman, Erikson, and Grant

• "They can because they think they can." - Virgil

• "They have been to a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps." - William Shakespeare, Love's Labours Lost

• "They were few in number but by the look in their eye I could see that they would leave only in victory or death."

• "They would say I don't have faith. Crap, I do. I would say their faith shows how much they are allowing themselves to be mislead." - CheezHankrn

• "This punishment is not boring and pointless." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "This world is comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

• "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." - Groucho Marx.

• "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." - Anonymous

• "To achieve C3 security rating using Microsoft Windows, simply power down the machine. ;-)" - Particle

• "To only a fraction of the human race does God give the privilege of earning one's bread doing what one would have gladly pursued free, for passion." - Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.

• "To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion." - Anonymous

• "Today is a week of stupidness"

• "Today is a week of stupidness."

• "Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn."

• "Too much of a good thing is wonderful." - Mae West.

• "Treasure your relationships, not your possessions." - Anthony J. D'Angelo: The College Blue Book {Wealth and Poverty}

• "True friendship is like sound health -- the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." - Charles Caleb Colton

• "True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes." - Unknown

• "Truth has a way of shifting under pressure." - Curtis Bok, U. S. federal judge (1897-1962)

• "Truth is fiction when spilled from the lips of a man"; - Lisa Tillotson

• "Truth will come sooner out of error than from confusion." - Francis Bacon

• "Trying to apply formal methods to all software projects is just as bad as trying to apply code-and-fix development to all projects." - Steve McConnell, After The Gold Rush

• "Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around." - Anonymous

• "Underwear should be worn on the inside." - Bart Simpson's Chalkboard

• "Victory does not always go with the big guns but if we rest in front of them we shall be lost."

• "Wanted: Young, skinny, wirey fellows not over 18. Must be expert riders willing to risk death daily. Orphans preferred. Wages $25 per week." - Pony Express advertisement, 1860

• "WARNING: Reality.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe? Y/N"

• "We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." - Vlade Divac, NBA basketball player

• "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." - Oscar Wilde

• "We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems." - John W. Gardner

• "We are what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

• "We are what we see, hear, feel, smell, and taste." -Vildman

• "We believe in war only if we somehow start one." - Christian, TheSpark

• "We didn't inherit the land from our fathers. We are borrowing it from our children." - Amish belief

• "We don't look for truths, just excuses." - Pierce Thorne

• "We give definitions to everything, all definitions are relative, and no one definition is correct." -Particle

• "We have all passed a lot of water since then." - Samuel Goldwyn

• "We have already gone so far down the road of serving computers that we’ve come to accept our servitude as necessary. It isn’t. It is time for us to rise up with a profound demand: 'Make our computers simpler to use!' Make them talk to us, do things for us, get the information we want, help us work with other people, and adapt to our individual needs. Only then will computers make us productive and truly serve us, instead of the other way around." - Michael L. Dertouzos, Director of the MIT Laboratory for Computer Science, in his book The Unfinished Revolution

• "We have no butter, but I ask you, would you rather have butter or guns? Shall we import lard or steel? Let me tell you, preparedness makes us powerful. Butter merely makes us fat. Steel? Lard?" - Herman Goering to Hitler during WWII

• "We need healthy young earth studs to repopulate our world--we need your love rocket." - Jasae, Bad Girls From Mars

• "We waste time, so you don't have to." - Anonymous

• "We would have thought it was an accidental shooting if the defendant hadn't stopped to change clips....TWICE!"

• "Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise." - John Heywood

• "What have I learned but the proper use of several tools?" - Gary Snyder, What have I learned

• "What is bad without good?" - rv & particle

• "What is Mind? Doesn't Matter... What is Matter? Never Mind..." -Homer J. Simpson.

• "What is positive without negative?" - rv & particle

• "What is wrong without right?" - rv & particle

• "What the public wants is the image of passion, not passion itself." - Roland Barthes

• "What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork." - Pearl Bailey

• "What we do not understand we do not possess." - Goethe

• "What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing..." - Aristotle, Ethics

• "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "What's blood for if not to spill?"

• "What's past is prologue." - William Shakespeare, The Tempest

• "When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry

• "When asked to provide an estimate of something big, the most honest thing to do is to stall." - Robert L. Read

• "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." - Henry Ford

• "When falling in love, some lose their head, others lose their heart." - Unknown

• "When I get to heaven I'm gonna find the guy in charge of the weather and kick his rear." - Anonymous

• "When it rained I used to think that Zeus was pissing through a sieve!" - Strepsiades from Aristophanes Clouds

• "When love turns into dust, money becomes the substitution." - D. H. Lawrence

• "When something is made idiot proof, they will just make better idiots." - Anonymous

• "When terrorists knock down buildings, when drought wipes our farmers, when the economy threatens to come to a halt, even those who are ideologically hostile to the government turn to it, both logically and reflexively, for help. We suddenly trust Washington not because it has done something new to earn our trust but because the alternative of not trusting it has suddenly become too terrifying to contemplate." - Jacob Weisberg, The New York Times Magazine, October 21st, 2001

• "When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break." - Anonymous

• "When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth." - Anonymous

• "When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part." - George Bernard Shaw

• "When two's company, three's the result!" - Anonymous

• "When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty." - Norm Crosby

• "Where in gods name is the chicken?"

• "Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?" - T. S. Eliot, Choruses from the Rock

• "Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"

• "Who knows who wrote the paperclip in MS office? If it were open source, you could go to his house and shoot him." - Anonymous

• "Whoever thinks a faultless piece to see, Thinks what ne'er was, nor is, nor e'er shall be." - Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism

• "Why bother wasting time learning when ignorance is instantaneous?"

• "Why don't you buy a self help book? Make people feel less like hitting you with a brick."

• "Why don't you buy a self help book? Make people feel less like hitting you with a brick." - NYPD Blue.

• "Why make trillions when we can make...BILLIONS" Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

• "Why were humans placed on this earth? To provide tigers with some important proteins."

• "Wisdom is the beginning of fear."

• "Without death, pain loses its relevance."

• "Women make love for love, men make love for lust." - Derrick Harge {Men and Women}

• "Words are sharper than swords, but I like the blood."

• "Working for fun is good, working for money is better." - particle

• "World War III will be a guerilla information war, with no division between military and civilian participation" - Herbert Marshall McLuhan (1911-1980)

• "You are never as good as you seem when you're hot and you're never as bad as you seem when you're cold." - Anonymous

• "You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."

• "You can never plan the future by the past." - Edmund Burke

• "You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all it's accessories."

• "You can't say civilizations don't advance . . . in every war they kill you in a new way." - Will Rogers

• "You fight well because you treat war as a religion. We fight well because we treat war as a business."

• "You gotta rob to get rich in the Reagan era." - Wesley Snipes, New Jack City

• "You know I've only got one friend And his name is Alcohol."

• "You know, I've never killed a man before. I mean I dropped bombs on the enemy from the above, but never face to face. [thinking pause] I don't see what the big deal is - I really don't." - John Travolta, Broken Arrow

• "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'" - Tommy Cooper

• "You know, sometimes I think that getting my balls blown off was the best thing that ever happened to me."

• "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - The Great One

• "You really have to admire Microsoft for its proficiency at what it does. You also have to admire the proficiency of sharks, scorpions, and black widow spiders." - Sean M. Dugan

• "You simply cannot understand psychedelic drugs, which activate the brain, unless you understand something about computers." - Dr Timothy Leary

• "You will find it a distinct help if you know and look as if you know what you are doing." - IRS Training Manual for tax auditors

• "You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think." -Dobbs 1961

• "Your friends aren't necessarily the people you like best, They're just the ones who got there first." - Anonymous

• "Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep." - Anonymous

• "Your poverty highlights my riches." - rv

• "You're just jealous because the voices in my head don't talk to you."

• "You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough." - Mike Myers as Dr. Evil

• "You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it." - W.S. Gilbert

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