One Liners

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One Liners! 
01. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I'm perfect. 

02. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. 

03. If I save time, when do I get it back? 

04. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

05. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. 

06. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. 

07. The statement below is true. The statement above is false. 

08. As I said before, I never repeat myself. 

09. Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. 

10. I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. 

11. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. 

12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 

13. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. 

14. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk. 

15. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 

16. If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. 

17.I was born intelligent - education ruined me. 

18.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... What more can I say 

19.If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? 

20.Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright Until you hear them speak. 

21.How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ? 

22.Don't frown. You never know who is falling in Iove with your smile. 

23.The Best of Provebs Should women have children after 
35? No, 35 children are enough 

24.Living on Earth may be expensive... but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun. 

25.Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep ! 

26.ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY So what ? Who's in a hurry ? 

27.Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop 

28.A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject 

29.A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.... Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started? 

30.Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting. 

31.Whom are you working for? More One Liners: 
1) Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. 

2) One of the quickest ways for a young man to fail in life is to work so hard the boss will think he's after his job. 

3) Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 

4) A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water. 

5) There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity. 

6) How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America? 

7) Think about one ever says "it's only a game" when their team is winning. 

8) Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 

More :-) Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them. 

Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best. 

Marry a mountain girl and you marry the whole mountain. 

It is better to sit down than to stand, it is better to lie down than to sit, but death is the best of all. 

If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound. 

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! 

He who laughs last thinks slowest! 

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. 

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. 

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. 

All generalizations are false, including this one. 

90% of all statistics are made up. 

A man needs a good memory after he has lied. 

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time! 

It's better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. -- Mark Twain




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