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ACT to foster happiness, peace,
prosperity, and tolerance in the Middle East
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Recently, a group of girls were asked how do you behave when
you get drunk. Here are some of the answers:
- WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
- WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND
WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE
AROUND.
- WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS
AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
- IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE
LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
- WE DROP OUR 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR
(WHICH WE'RE EATING EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP
AND CARRY ON EATING IT
- WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE
THEM SOOO MUCH.
- WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME
A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
- WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING
NEXT TO US.
- THE MAN WE'RE FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE OUR 5TH GRADE
TEACHER.
- THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A
TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING TO US.
- OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR
OWN SO WE KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.
- WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT
IT.
- WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY
GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE
GIN.
- WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY
LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (er, or, the mop?)
- WE START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE
THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."
- WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT
ON IT.
- OUR HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.
- WE ARE TIRED SO WE JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER WE
HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP. (OR AT A FOOTBALL STADIUM)
- WE BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON OUR BUTTON FLY PANTS
TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM OUR DRINK.
- WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT
THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
NOT FUNNY
- WE FIND OURSELVES WITH SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES
WEEKS LATER
- WE FIND OURSELVES PREGNANT WEEKS LATER
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